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DonnyBoy35 Gay, 42 Join the action! Find out more about this one I found that it is not an easy thing to make a good gay hookup on my own. XLRanny Gay, 28 Join today! By last summer, Jeffrey also had an online boyfriend, whom I will call C. A fellow Southerner a year older than Jeffrey whom Jeffrey called his ''true love,'' though the two had never met, C. For homosexual teenagers with computer access, the Internet has, quite simply, revolutionized the experience of growing up gay. Isolation and shame persist among gay teenagers, of course, but now, along with the inhospitable families and towns in which many find themselves marooned, there exists a parallel online community -- real people like them in cyberspace with whom they can chat, exchange messages and even engage in online sex.

The popularity of ''cybering,'' as online sex is called -- masturbating in real time to sexually explicit typed messages -- has lately been supplemented among boys, especially with a mania for Web cams and microphones, which allow them to see and hear each other masturbate, using programs like Microsoft's NetMeeting. But this is only as important for gay boys as it no doubt is for the countless straight youths who flock to Internet sex sites.

What was most critical to the gay kids I spoke with was the simple, revelatory discovery that they were not alone. Indeed, gay teenagers surfing the Net can find Web sites packed with information about homosexuality and about local gay support groups and counseling services, along with coming-out testimonials from young people around the world. Gay pornography, too, can be a valuable resource; a number of youths I spoke with, male and female, said that the availability of online porn had proved critical to their discovery of their sexual orientation.

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Kyle, a year-old youth from Florida I met online, wrote me in an e-mail message: The pictures turned me on soooo much, and I loved it. It was just so clear to me, I am gay and I like men.

Parents' attempts to restrict their children's access to hard-core Web sites are rarely a match for their kids' surpassing computer skills. Several teenagers I spoke with said they had accessed gay pornography on computers at school. Which means that a curious teenager not only has ready access to graphic material, but also can engage in sexual experimentation with peers that would be next to impossible in everyday life. As one year-old put it in an e-mail message, ''I could say that the Internet made my life a living hell. It made me realize I'm different.

I hated it I'd rather find out now than when I'm 30 and married to my wife with two kids or something. Recent studies suggest that kids are identifying themselves as gay at much younger ages; among males the average age has dropped from to , and in females from their early 20's to Caitlin Ryan, a clinical social worker and the author of ''Lesbian and Gay Youth: Care and Counseling,'' says, ''Today, youths are coming out right in the middle of high school or earlier, and I think the Internet is playing an important role in that because it's providing information to help them label those feelings and figure out who they really are.

One might reasonably ask whether such heightened early awareness of sexual orientation is always a good thing. And for all the educational resources the cyberworld can offer gay youth -- articles and studies and hot-line numbers and so on -- the gay-sex cyberworld, like the much larger straight-sex one, is not an especially wholesome environment in which to tease apart one's sexuality. Type the words ''gay'' and ''teen'' into virtually any search engine, and you'll find yourself circling among interlocking porn sites, some featuring ''twinks,'' or boys of allegedly legal age who appear to be younger and in some cases obviously are , and other sites hawking lesbian scenes that clearly cater to heterosexual men.

And of course, there is the simple fact that cyberspace is an incorporeal world, a world without flesh-and-blood people, and thus a peculiar realm in which to become one's ''true self,'' as Jeffrey put it. Late last summer, Jeffrey returned from a family vacation and wrote to me in an e-mail message: I had 'withdrawal' symptoms, you might even say Online boyfriends and girlfriends were common among the gay teenagers I spoke with. In some cases, the relationships had a sexual component, but what startled me was the level of closeness and intimacy teenagers derived from these cyberrelationships.

Jeffrey explained how he and C. Like Jeffrey, many of the boys I talked to described themselves as ''addicted'' to the Internet. Girls, who responded in smaller numbers to my postings, seemed more aware of the Internet's limitations. They were also more likely to have at least one off-line confidante -- a parent, a friend, even several friends -- who knew about their sexual orientation and accepted it.

In the case of Jane, a year-old African-American girl I met online, her mother knows, but with one exception her friends don't, and she's quite lonely in her eighth-grade class. It's hard finding a niche anywhere. Even so I mostly hang around with the popular crowd. I'm not trendy. I mean I don't wear sweater sets. Online, Jane, who says she has known she was gay since the fifth grade, has been able to find a number of lesbian girls her own own age. We've known each other online for 9 or 10 months. When I asked Jane whether having an online girlfriend -- whom I will call S.

Ya never know tho. A week later, Jane mentioned in an instant message that she and S. You've broken up? We fought a lot and I guess we both just lost interest. That's funny. I never had the impression you were fighting.